Thursday, May 20, 2010

Terrible Thursday: Rocky V

In the words of Jon Belushi from Animal House, “Ho-ly shittt!” What the hell was Stallone thinking with this movie? Let me try to explain his thought process, “How should I follow up Rocky IV? I know! First, Rocky will have brain damage due to his fight with Drago (okay at least that is understandable and believable). Then Rocky will lose all of his money thus sending the entire Balboa family back to their impoverished beginnings. Oh, I’ll also cast my son, who has no acting experience at all, to play Rocky’s son in the movie. That’ll get him some pussy. I’ll even cast a real boxer, another person who has no acting experience, to play Rocky’s protégé only to have him become brainwashed by a Don King type promoter. Yea, that’s what I’ll do.” Again, holy shit! C’mon Sly! I will definitely give you props and say you’re a very talented writer, but you completely dropped the ball on Rocky V. Rocky IV was a simple movie that centered on the fight and Rocky’s determination for revenge. While it wasn’t as well written movie and as deeply emotional as Rocky it still provided solid entertainment.

It’s safe to say that very few, if any, appreciated the direction Rocky V went in. The entire series up to that point was always about never giving up and fighting for what you want. While some of the traditional Rocky spirit was displayed in the fifth installment, the plotlines which I listed above make it impossible to respect where they took this beloved story. It’s hard for anyone to watch a Rocky film and not be inspired. I get chills in my body when I watch Rocky and Apollo struggle to stand up at the end of Rocky II. When I see the training montage from Rocky IV I want to go out and run for a straight hour listening to “Hearts on Fire”, “War”, and “Gonna Fly Now” on repeat. If Rocky V is ever on I get diarrhea and sense of nausea overwhelms my body.

In my opinion, no one wanted to see the Italian Stallion lose everything he worked so hard for in what was to be the last installment. It’s just depressing. Furthermore, listening to his whinny son, who wore that ridiculous fucking earring, bitch throughout the movie was extremely annoying. The only thing a person could mildly appreciate in Rocky V was the fight scene which was alright at its best.

Overall: D-

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